Has this ever happened to you:
A fine brother approaches you (at a bar, a party, wherever) and
starts chatting you up.
He's smart, handsome, and he's funnier than any comedian. You get that feeling in your stomach and feel like he's someone you could really enjoy getting to know.
He asks for your number, and you oblige him only to
think, "What'd I do that for. He's not going to call me. The fine ones always say they will, but they don't."
Then he ACTUALLY calls! Not only that, but he wants to go out on a date. Not those after 10 p.m. dates either, but a REAL date.
You two dine at a cool restaurant, converse about everything under the sun, you laugh for hours, and at the end of the night, he's content with a kiss. What?!
But instead of enjoying and savoring the moment, you translate
the evening into a disaster in the making and convince yourself that you'll never hear from him again."
But to your surprise, he calls the next day, telling you how wonderful last night was and how he'd love to see you again.
But instead smiling and planning another date for as soon as possible, you play it (too) cool, too hard, too unsure...just too dumb and you allow your thoughts and behavior to swing the pendulum to the far left and you begin picking apart every word, action, and attempt.
You feel anxious. Angry. Insecure. It's all too good to be true, you say. the you graduate to the apex of idiodicy and morph into a forensic detective determined to FIGURE OUT what's wrong with this guy, is he lying, playing you?
If you're really off the deep end, and can't FIND anything that's actually wrong, well, you
may just INVENT something and feed off of that.
Raise your hand if you've been there...done that.
It's a sad, ladies but I think that most of us women have had so many negative experiences
with men that we find it virtually impossible to believe it when a good relationship is present or in the making.
Then there are some of us that are so used to drama and strife that where there is none, we create some.
It's like unless there's a major flaw, severe emotional deficiency or damaged physical characteristic we need to "fix" in a man, we're just not comfortable. But as soon as Mr. Messed up arrives on our co-dependent doorstep, we exhale and say, "Ahh, yeah, there's that good old feeling of craziness."
When did we women become so emotionally bankrupt?
In these sad times, some of us believe a good man is about as much a reality as spotting a leprechaun in Harlem. Many of us have opted to settle for Mr. Right now...Mr. I'll-spend-my-money-on-you-and-let -you-use-me-as-an-ATM machine/doormat....Mr. My-sex-is-good-so-everything-else-is-null-and-void...and the ever so common and familiar Captain Save-a-Hoe.
You know him, he's the one you've been stringing along for years in between dating other men, marrying someone else, having a child with someone else, dogging him, siphoning his bank account every chance you got and just treating him like an overall chump while continuously giving him false hope of a relationship or some booty "one day."
BTW, when you engage in this type of behavior, don't be surprised when you find yourself on the receiving end by a guy that YOU really like. Hey, what goes around, comes around. Please believe me! If he's not your type, leave him alone. Especially when you know he really likes you.
We spend our lives dreaming of and talking about landing Mr. Right (The Barack Obama's, Denzel's, Michael Jordan's, LL Cool J's of the world), but we spend very little time actually going after the type.
No, many of us chase Mr. Batterer, Mr. Unemployed, Mr. Dreamer, Mr. Herpes, Mr. Professional Baby-Daddy, Mr.I'm-waitin-on-a-lawsuit, Mr. Brag & Boast, Mr. Stalker and Mr. Momma's Boy then wonder why we're alone or in and out of dead-end relationships.
If we're blessed, and God gives us an "out" from a bad relationship, we keep him in our lives (especially if he's still dumb enough to pay the bills and fall for the ever-so elusive "one day we'll be together" or "he's just a friend" lines) and re-title him as a friend then wonder why we have so much negative and bad karma surrounding us.
If we're lucid enough to quell our own fears and say, "I need to stop... This is just a
figment of my imagination. This is a good man and I need to accept that," and move on in happiness, we may save ourselves from a life of insanity.
I'm going to help you cash your own reality check: There REALLY ARE good men out there! And believe it or not, some of them actually want YOU.
Besides, if you're past the age of consent and you're still whining about how "there are no good men out here," then you may need to spend some time in therapy and forgo the dating scene until you're head is right.
A healthy, mature, drama-free love replete with monogamy, communication, trust and respect CAN happen and does exist. And it WILL happen to YOU when you learn to Date/Love Without Drama.
You just have to open your heart, drop that emotional luggage, fix your emotional self, grow up and and get in the right frame of mind to give good love so that you can receive the healthy love that you truly deserve.
Drop those all-too-familiar, comfortable yet crazy, clingy zeroes and pick up that hero!
A fine brother approaches you (at a bar, a party, wherever) and
starts chatting you up.
He's smart, handsome, and he's funnier than any comedian. You get that feeling in your stomach and feel like he's someone you could really enjoy getting to know.
He asks for your number, and you oblige him only to
think, "What'd I do that for. He's not going to call me. The fine ones always say they will, but they don't."
Then he ACTUALLY calls! Not only that, but he wants to go out on a date. Not those after 10 p.m. dates either, but a REAL date.
You two dine at a cool restaurant, converse about everything under the sun, you laugh for hours, and at the end of the night, he's content with a kiss. What?!
But instead of enjoying and savoring the moment, you translate
the evening into a disaster in the making and convince yourself that you'll never hear from him again."
But to your surprise, he calls the next day, telling you how wonderful last night was and how he'd love to see you again.
But instead smiling and planning another date for as soon as possible, you play it (too) cool, too hard, too unsure...just too dumb and you allow your thoughts and behavior to swing the pendulum to the far left and you begin picking apart every word, action, and attempt.
You feel anxious. Angry. Insecure. It's all too good to be true, you say. the you graduate to the apex of idiodicy and morph into a forensic detective determined to FIGURE OUT what's wrong with this guy, is he lying, playing you?
If you're really off the deep end, and can't FIND anything that's actually wrong, well, you
may just INVENT something and feed off of that.
Raise your hand if you've been there...done that.
It's a sad, ladies but I think that most of us women have had so many negative experiences
with men that we find it virtually impossible to believe it when a good relationship is present or in the making.
Then there are some of us that are so used to drama and strife that where there is none, we create some.
It's like unless there's a major flaw, severe emotional deficiency or damaged physical characteristic we need to "fix" in a man, we're just not comfortable. But as soon as Mr. Messed up arrives on our co-dependent doorstep, we exhale and say, "Ahh, yeah, there's that good old feeling of craziness."
When did we women become so emotionally bankrupt?
In these sad times, some of us believe a good man is about as much a reality as spotting a leprechaun in Harlem. Many of us have opted to settle for Mr. Right now...Mr. I'll-spend-my-money-on-you-and-let -you-use-me-as-an-ATM machine/doormat....Mr. My-sex-is-good-so-everything-else-is-null-and-void...and the ever so common and familiar Captain Save-a-Hoe.
You know him, he's the one you've been stringing along for years in between dating other men, marrying someone else, having a child with someone else, dogging him, siphoning his bank account every chance you got and just treating him like an overall chump while continuously giving him false hope of a relationship or some booty "one day."
BTW, when you engage in this type of behavior, don't be surprised when you find yourself on the receiving end by a guy that YOU really like. Hey, what goes around, comes around. Please believe me! If he's not your type, leave him alone. Especially when you know he really likes you.
We spend our lives dreaming of and talking about landing Mr. Right (The Barack Obama's, Denzel's, Michael Jordan's, LL Cool J's of the world), but we spend very little time actually going after the type.
No, many of us chase Mr. Batterer, Mr. Unemployed, Mr. Dreamer, Mr. Herpes, Mr. Professional Baby-Daddy, Mr.I'm-waitin-on-a-lawsuit, Mr. Brag & Boast, Mr. Stalker and Mr. Momma's Boy then wonder why we're alone or in and out of dead-end relationships.
If we're blessed, and God gives us an "out" from a bad relationship, we keep him in our lives (especially if he's still dumb enough to pay the bills and fall for the ever-so elusive "one day we'll be together" or "he's just a friend" lines) and re-title him as a friend then wonder why we have so much negative and bad karma surrounding us.
If we're lucid enough to quell our own fears and say, "I need to stop... This is just a
figment of my imagination. This is a good man and I need to accept that," and move on in happiness, we may save ourselves from a life of insanity.
I'm going to help you cash your own reality check: There REALLY ARE good men out there! And believe it or not, some of them actually want YOU.
Besides, if you're past the age of consent and you're still whining about how "there are no good men out here," then you may need to spend some time in therapy and forgo the dating scene until you're head is right.
A healthy, mature, drama-free love replete with monogamy, communication, trust and respect CAN happen and does exist. And it WILL happen to YOU when you learn to Date/Love Without Drama.
You just have to open your heart, drop that emotional luggage, fix your emotional self, grow up and and get in the right frame of mind to give good love so that you can receive the healthy love that you truly deserve.
Drop those all-too-familiar, comfortable yet crazy, clingy zeroes and pick up that hero!
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